I need Homeschooling moms words of wisdom please!

[wahmof9]

LOVED that link, wahm!

Jennifer, should I have my very social girls talk to your dh when we come down this fall?! I have a sign as a joke on my door, "Caution: Unsocialized Homeschoolers" and my mail lady has a huge laugh on that every time she sees it! She'll talk to my girls when she brings packages to the door and she says, "YOUR kids are NOT unsocialized!" LOL!

Believe me, they get along with just about anybody! My 18 yodd volunteered to help at the Senior Center and misses them when she had to be gone! They miss her, too! My 14, 13 and 11 yodds weekly help my df who adopted from China, with her dd who has many autistic type issues. My oldest dds also give lessons (music and sewing) to all kinds of students, public school and homeschooled. They do work for their music teachers in exchange for lessons. Then there's the aforementioned 4-H activities! My girls were asked to be judges for some projects when the judges didn't show up, and I heard very good feedback.

Oh, and the older ones also help with elections--they really get to meet all kinds there!

So, we really aren't unsocialized, they know how to get along with all kinds of people, and know how to handle not-so-comfortable situations. And if anything gets really out of hand, I can step in. Haven't had to do that in a lonnnngggg time!

HUGS! Hope your dh is open to reading that article. And maybe he should talk to those on "the other side", too!

Thank you!

[Erika]

Hi,

I'm so glad I found this thread. I need it. My dd is starting kindergarten next week and I feel like I've realized too late how much I wanted to homeschool. I've been hinting at it for two years with my husband but he has just not embraced the idea. Now I've finally gotten to the bottom of some of his objections, which of course include socialization, fear of a lack of routine and structure and now just needing more research and my vision for how it could work in our home and an understanding of what curriculum I propose etc. Ultimately part of me wishes I would have pushed harder, but I felt strongly I shouldn't force this issue and that unity was needed for us to go forth in what I feel is a calling.

Hubby has said that we can re-evaluate after this first year of school. I just fear it will be harder for either one of them to embrace the idea after this year - I mean I want her to have a good year since she is going but part of me feels selfish wanting the opposite of what they both want.

So I want to meanwhile be supportive of my daughter who is so thrilled about going (to play and make new friends). She is in a charter school that emphasizes parental involvement. I saw getting involved as suggested by one of you all and I will see to what extent I can do this since I have a 19 month old who would love to take over her class As I support her, I will be doing research, continuing to prepare our home and my heart if this is God's will for our family. So I'm praying about how to get past my emotions and like someone said earlier I need to pray about us being united even if that means I don't get what I want. I just want to be prepared so that in case I do get I want I'm ready.


So from you veterans, I'm wanting to know more about how you all got started homeschooling, what challenges you overcame, what kind of successes you've seen with your older children, how you dealt with disunity if there was any, and what resources you'd recommend I look into to help enhance my own understanding as well as my hubby's.

Thanks for anything you can share.

[BlessedMama]

{{{Erika}}} It sounds as if you have a good situation there with the charter school and your involvement, so please don't feel badly!

I wanted to homeschool before we had kids! LOL! I heard about it at a conference we went to. I did well in public school, a small town school with only 59 in my graduating class. I had great teachers for the most part, a few less-than-great. But I also grew up in the 60s and 70s in a small town. That school used to be really good and is now not so good. The town itself has become more dumpy, sadly.

Even with being a good student and doing okay, there were struggles and the biggest one was the constant peer dependency/pressure. I actually find it quite interesting that one of the biggest issues people STILL have (after 25+ years of homeschooling being more the buzzword!) is socialization. I HATED some of the dumb "games" that were played and sometimes actually interfered with learning as well as doing your best (can't challenge the upperclassmen in band because you "just don't do that").

Challenges? Trying to be a little school! LOL! Seriously, I am NOT a school at home. I am a mama who teaches her children but I live in my home--no janitors, no cafeteria staff, no nice cupboards and classroom I can lock for the night and go home. So you learn to live with clutter of creativity, and you learn to be organized. I am NOT an organized person! But you learn!

Learning that life IS learning. I had a season where we did little that "looked like" school for 2 years. But I wouldn't trade that now for anything. I started seeing that book learning doesn't always mean you learned anything. I was valedictorian of my class with a 10.8 out of 11.0 grade average, but I can assure you I didn't retain everything I learned!!!

My own children have learned so much more when things are in story form or context, sometimes just by listening to cds about history they remember more than my boring history teacher who droned on and on and made history a bad word!

I think the paradigm shift of getting away from thinking that it has to look "just-so" or we have to keep transcripts or give grades or whatever is the hardest. Letting them learn on their own timetable. I've had some learn to read around 5 and others closer to 10. Doesn't affect their love of learning or reading one bit!

When you meet someone, you don't ask them when they learned grammar, whether they know what the quadratic equation is and can they do trig? You are seeing the person as a whole. Some of us are more language arts bent, others math and science. And to be well-rounded, imho, doesn't mean they have to do ALL of the subjects at an A+ level. A nodding acquaintance with some is okay, letting them go with their passion for others and build in some of the weaker areas without overdoing it (i.e. don't make everything a book report!).

We don't charge our older dds at home "rent" because they help tremendously. It's a win/win for them and us--they don't have rent, insurance, buying all their own food, utilities, etc. to pay and it helps us with household and mini-farm help we don't have to pay for.

I am graduating dd#4 this year (we do our open houses in August or September). 25 yodd is still at home but sews for others, including the hoodies for autistic adults/children for another business. She also gives violin lessons and is dabbling in web design. She volunteers in the community for different things, helps with 4-H in the summer, helps on election days, helps as a "mother's helper" to others and recently helped watch a handicapped little girl so her parents could go together on a vacation (which rarely happens!). She also makes meals for people at church a lot!

23 yodd, much the same. At home, teaches sewing and sews for others (a LOT!), has helped as a mother's helper as well. Also cooks for others. She and the older sister and next one down are part of a community orchestra, too.

20 yodd also sews hoodies, is now taking a CNA course and is planning to be a midwife's assistant. All the girls learn so much on their own--they are passionate about it and really go with it!. This dd is also super-ultra-organized which comes in very handy! She keeps us all organized, makes wonderful lists for events and things to help them run smoothly (that could be a business in itself!) and helps make meals for others and has been a helper for other moms. She just recently crocheted a beautiful baby dress for a lady who paid her to do it!

19 yodd (graduating) is exploring becoming an EMT, is wonderful at the piano and plans to pursue that further with her wonderful teacher. She's trying to come up with a job from home she can do and not get too bored--she can sew but it's not her "thing"! She also helps make meals for others.

I want to say that the oldest 4 also work for their violin/viola/cello lessons, and their teachers are THRILLED with the cleaning, organizing, sewing, etc. they do for them! They pitch in and help and they have helped their daddy with his work when he needs a hand (he's a one-man contractor/carpenter business). They are not afraid of work, love to help others, and have so many skills they can use, they have time on their side to learn and the passion to do so. To me that means more than any piece of paper, although if they needed a college degree I have no doubt they'd buckle down, do what it took and get it and move on to ---life!

My dd taking the CNA class said, "Some people would consider this 'getting a life'. I consider it 'missing out on life'!" I have tried to revolve our learning around life, not a school schedule. Because really, that is how we learn to this day. I don't only learn between 8 and 3, August to June. I don't only learn by filling out a workbook.

Don't get me wrong--we have goals and some guidelines, but they don't look traditional. And now having graduated 4 out of 9, and they are pretty well-adjusted young ladies (according to others, so it's not just my prejudice! ), I think we're on the right track!

Really, whether you send them to school or teach them at home, you are still teaching them. Your relationships will go much, much farther for their learning than any amount of "academics" will. I think I already posted how relationships are first for us. Academics are really more of a by-product of healthy relationships, a good learning environment, and capitalizing on strengths without overdoing it on weaknesses. None of us is good at everything.

Relationships, a love for learning, freedom to learn and lots of smiles on your part! That would be my parting advice for success in homeschooling!

[Erika]

Trisch,

Thank you for this. Your words are always so comforting. I am giving myself until next Friday to cry, cry, cry and then I'm going to shift to really getting informed and prepared to support her in the best ways I can at home as her mom and maybe eventually as her teacher too. I was a little tickled today because my hubby has the impression that we can pick her up early from school if needed for something extra curricular we are considering (unlike the public school). He's also spoken of wanting to travel a lot more as a family - which I think is a superb education btw. It's like he wants the freedom and the well rounded experience, but doesn't know enough yet to feel comfortable or perhaps safe. So we will see how this all turns out.

Thank you for telling me not to feel badly. Just because you said that I wont Thanks again. May have more questions later. Your family sounds so lovely. You are a blessed mama and I am too!

"Really, whether you send them to school or teach them at home, you are still teaching them. Your relationships will go much, much farther for their learning than any amount of "academics" will. I think I already posted how relationships are first for us. Academics are really more of a by-product of healthy relationships, a good learning environment, and capitalizing on strengths without overdoing it on weaknesses. None of us is good at everything."

Just re-read this part of what you said. It's spot on. I will focus on continuing to cultivate the relationship we have, enhancing our home environment and celebrating her strengths. This is my job right now. Thank you!!!!

[wahmof9]

Just stopping in to give you a hug Erika ))))))))))))))HUG((((((((((((((

[melissasims]

I always encourage couples who are thinking about homeschooling, researching homeschooling, or maybe not on the same page about homeschooling to see if they can both get to a conference in their area. Of course, I live in the Dallas Fort Worth area, and we have a huge conference every year on Mother's Day Weekend. It is a time to hear some speakers, "people watch" other homeschool families, and browse the curriculum booths. I think that sometimes if someone is hesitant, and they see all the support that is available to them, it makes a difference. It makes homeschooling seem more valid.

[Erika]

Thank you, Florence. I certainly need hugs these days.

I always encourage couples who are thinking about homeschooling, researching homeschooling, or maybe not on the same page about homeschooling to see if they can both get to a conference in their area. Of course, I live in the Dallas Fort Worth area, and we have a huge conference every year on Mother's Day Weekend. It is a time to hear some speakers, "people watch" other homeschool families, and browse the curriculum booths. I think that sometimes if someone is hesitant, and they see all the support that is available to them, it makes a difference. It makes homeschooling seem more valid.

Melissa, would you believe we went to this conference together when our daughter was three? We both had different curriculums we liked, but somehow the conversation stopped there. So I've been planting seeds for a while now and I'm trying to figure out how we got here (here meaning me wanting it so bad and it not being so - spoiled mama). Was I distracted by the many options here in north texas or perhaps we are on the path we are supposed to be on to get where we need to? In other words maybe some "what ifs" need to be ruled out or explored before we can get on the same page... Either way I'm determined to get more answers to our questions this year. If you know about any more conferences happening in the area, please let me know cause I'm your neighbor Thank you!

PS perhaps when you get finished training I can come to a session to check my form and such.

[melissasims]

I would love to meet you

[JenniferT]

Well. Chloe is going back to public school, she is excited, her daddy has played a big role in that....Also I had a long talk with one of her teachers and the principle of the school. We will give it a go, they know she will be late a lot due to her community events, and other activities, but they look at them as enrichment (very good). The principle wants to nominate Chloe for some high achievement awards(one is pretty prestigous and involves four different counties, schools can only have one student nominated) which hooked my husband even more. We shall see how it goes. At least my husband is in agreement if things don't seem to be working and Chloe isn't happy, I am pulling her out.

As far as her curriculum I have used, it is more scheduled and traditional, but like to use literature based language arts programs. Plus, she was involved with a co-op group for science, history and extra literature. She is exposed to a lot and has been very well rounded. And socialization has never been a problem, she is little miss social.

[Vanetta]

I have not read all of the threads, but chiming in as a retired veteran homeschooling mom with "my" story of how it worked out for us.

I have three grown children: a son 29, a daughter 27 and another daughter 25. All of them were homeschooled from Kindergarten thru 12th grade.
I was an Elem. Ed. major in college but didn't grad. b/c I just couldn't 'make' myself take speech. I took courses as far as I could, putting this off, until I was at a cross-roads and I was so fearful of public speaking, I didn't finish. I mention this b/c I was VERY ANTI home-education. So, it's funny that I had an "unction" from God to homeschool our children which was CONTRARY to my personal opinions. I know this won't resonate for everyone, but for those it does, this is the bottom line reason we researched it. It wasn't coming from me, that's for sure.

In Phx, at that time (early '80's and on..) there were 3 home educating organizations. A Funny thing: 2 men, who each headed up 2 of these org's were men my husband had as mentors when he was in junior high. Time passed, and they reconnected at the conventions. The conventions included, at that time, TONS of workshops. We went every year in the early year and attended soaked up everything we could and "KNEW" this is what we were to do. My DH was NOT on-board at first, but he trusted I'd been led by God. Reuniting with his former mentors helped confirm that. Thankful for confirmation.

Being in agreement is KEY!! A divided household will not be a peaceful household. The contention is harmful for all relationships, and isn't worth it. If you believe God is leading you, for those who have this mindset, then God will work in the heart of the other person, so just wait. That's 'my' advice. If you don't believe in God, that's fine, I would still recommend you be in agreement.

Socialization was NEVER a problem for any of our children. They have always been able to interact well with all ages, and have always had close friendships. In fact, though we moved several states away, my kids are still connected to several of their friends from the 'early years.' In fact 4 are coming to my daughters' weddings in Sept. One of them is their "wedding planner"... another is the photographer. Each of my daughter are marrying formerly homeschooling friends. We've known the families of these young men for decades. And, our kids have been in several of their fellow homeschooling friends' weddings as well. I love that. They are all my facebook friends as well as their parents. You just never know how things will turn out.


Fast forward to results: My son and youngest daughter graduated with 4.0 degrees. My middle daughter went to a private college and graduated with a double major and a 3.98. He ONLY "B" was in badmitton... lol. She's not into sports, she is a runner. Anyway, I just wanted to encourage you that home educated kids can succeed, and be well-rounded.

My children were born highly motivated. I had the reverse of what others deal with. Play for them was always 'educational.' I'd have to force them to go play and confiscate books and other 'educational' materials so they'd get up and MOVE.. ride bikes... etc. I know, I'm mean...lol. They have always been very creative. In fact, all of them, now that they're grown, have said numerous times that the following are what they most appreciated about their homeschooling years:

1. They were in control of their schedule... in other words, they could get right on their assignments and finish them with LOTS of time to create.

To show you how that creative time has played out in their lives, is that even though they all are very academically oriented, they've all gone into "creative careers." My oldest and youngest are musicians. The oldest has his own recording studio and writes, plays all of the instruments, and records his own CD's, and is currently writing his own music for his sisters' weddings. The youngest is a music teacher and professional musician: flute and piano, who also writes music and wants to get into the recording aspect. My middle is an artist, and educator currently works at a junior college and working on her MA in Art History.

2. They had LOTS of time they could spend with family. They got to build lasting memories of time spent with their grandparents.

3. We were able to do a lot of traveling, taking school work us. We could plan trips around what we were studying at the time.. lots of fun memories...

4. They each have said, repeatedly, at how much they are glad they knew how to motivate themselves to get their school work done when they got to college. They learned how to learn, and how to study, so they didn't need to ask the teacher, "Will 'this' be on the test?" or be led by the hand. They knew how to use their syllabus and break the work down into schedules and tackle the bites, themselves and could get things done ahead. They loved online options and several times, completed an entire semester's worth of work in two or three weeks... sometimes, they could go ahead and take the final. Other times, they just reviewed and took the final at the assigned times.