Trying to come back...looking for support

[les1065]

I am just now back after a bankruptcy and divorce. I also have the backfat and waist fat thing. My friend and i have started a seven day bootcamp of bwo+ and I had forgotten about muscle swelling and fat shifts. we are three days in. I also do awesome legs at night with push ups and sit ups. I am also premenopausal. So, maybe we can encourage each other. I have missed the forums

[BlessedMama]

{{{Leslie}}}

Yes, the forums are such a huge help!

[homefire]

Luna, it's been inspiring to read through this thread. I'm intrigued by how similar our situations are, and I'm struggling a bit, too--relating very much to what you've written.

My husband is also a carpenter, and we moved to a new area eight years ago, naively believing that we could just 'take the business with us.' Um--wrong. He spent the better part of two years trying to get established, while we watched our savings go down the drain. I am VERY thankful that we had that savings and were able to avoid big debt, but along with that went our dreams of a new home. We bought a house when we moved here and fixed it up, planning to sell it in about two years and build. Like you, we bought land and dreamed. Then the bottom fell out of the market, and not only dh's job, but our house was affected. Now here we are in a house that is not at all where or what we wanted, but evidently it's where God wants us! Dh is now fairly busy with remodels, odd jobs, maintenance at a couple local golf courses, and even occasional mechanic work, so we are thankful for that.

I'm not really at the empty nest stage yet, but it seems to be emptying fast. I still have 20-yr-old and 17-yr-old sons and a 15-yr-old daughter at home, but I'm not nearly so involved in their lives anymore. Since I've homeschooled all of them, and now they really aren't needing me much, I'm feeling at loose ends and superfluous, often not knowing what to do with myself. Very weird and unsettling.

I have always been very healthy, but last summer I found out through a free cancer screening program (I hear you about health care--I would have never had the tests without this) that I had a 'suspicious' ovarian cyst. They recommended surgery right away, and the cyst proved to be benign, praise God! BUT when they were trying to remove the ovary, they discovered that I was completely full of endometriosis, so had to open me up and take both ovaries and my uterus instead of the simple laparoscopic surgery that was planned. After open abdominal surgery and instant menopause, my winter was pretty rough, physically and emotionally. I am still not back to my usual levels of exercise, and now I've developed other health problems and just feel like my life has totally fallen apart. I had a really horrible day yesterday, a haze of pain and I was very tired and depressed and feeling like my life was hopeless and pointless.

All that to say that I understand what you're going through and it helps just to know that someone else is going through it, too. If you'd be interested in an accountability partner or a shoulder to cry on, private message me!

Today, thankfully, life looks much better. I am going to go do a MORE workout now. I hope!

Oh, and btw, I am a butterfly and moth fanatic, so I love your screen name!

[LunaMoth]

Homefire...HUGS!!! Thank you for your post. Are you on hormones now?

[homefire]

No, I'm not. My dr. said that they always try to do without if possible, and since I had so much endometriosis, I definitely don't want any more estrogen in my body than absolutely necessary. Estrogen feeds endometriosis, and I don't want it to all regrow and have to do the surgery again! So yeah...I'm going through all the nasty hot flashes and lately, mood swings as well, so life is certainly interesting!

For the past week or so, I have been doing MORE and I have taken up walking outdoors SATI style. I'm hoping to learn to love that, because I'm not the outdoorsy type and I know it is good for me to get out! I'm trying to change my expectations and get rid of this insistent feeling that I'm not doing enough. It's been really hard to convince myself-I keep jumping back into normal workouts, then about the 2nd or 3rd day discovering that I can hardly move. I've been bouncing around like that all winter, and it's been terribly frustrating. I also have more abdominal flab since the hysterectomy, so I keep thinking I have to GET ON THE FLOOR and get rid of it, but that hasn't been very productive yet, and I think I need to learn some patience and accept that it's going to be a long process.

[LunaMoth]

We are now almost all moved into the rental house. Next I have to hold a sale at the big house. (Ugh, I'm dreading that.) I haven't tapped at all this week, not even PBS. I'm SO sick of moving stuff. Anyway, my belly seems to be getting bigger by the minute. Is it cortisol fat from the stress or my body trying to make estrogen? I am back on the alfalfa.

[just7]

It definitely could be from the stress. It's so hard to be mindful of our eating when we are this stressed, too. Maybe just shoot for smaller portions at this point...of whatever you are eating. Can you squeeze in a HD here or there? Even some deep breathing as you drive back and forth can help...that "expand your ribs east to west as you inhale, exhale through your mouth and you pull those ribs together". It may help with the stress too. HUGS to you during this stressful time!

[sostinkinhappy]

Hey there, Luna! I'm back after a long stay away from the TTapp forums, too. We joined about the same time and I remember interacting with you. There must be something afoot in the TTapp universe, something drawing us old-timers back.

I am sorry to hear of your struggles with jobs and homes. And yes, stress can affect your bodies cortisol levels. It will also plow through your VitB reserves as well, which can lead to depression so make sure you are supplementing with Vitamin B. You probably aren't sleeping well right now either (i.e. in bed by 10 p.m. and getting a solid 7-8 hours of sleep). Lack of sleep can have SERIOUS effects on your body's ability to process foods and with bloating.

I know things are hard right now and terribly busy, but even just PBS and a couple of sets of Hoe Downs will do wonders for your body.

Sending lots of love your way - you are going to make it through this, I promise!

[rskontos]

Hi LunaMoth, I completely understand how you feel. It does seem sometimes the whole universe is conspiring against us. I won't tell you all the troubles I have had this year: it has been good in that I completed my graduate degree but it was amid some hardhships I did that. It often seemed to be an uphill battle. And on top of all the personal family emergencies I experienced a bacterial infection that threated to updo all the good I have done with T-Tapp and my health. I understand high anxiety stressors all to well and I know firsthand how disabling constant stress can be on our bodies. Baby steps is my new motto. In fact, I know for me, if I plan to T-Tapp I will begin to invent reasons not to, so I leave my daily schedule loose, it works for me, I have maintained some consistency and I am slowly regaining my losses. I have taken the wonderful advice you have gotten in this thread, I do one or two movements when I can, I love Awesome legs and I will do that before bed along with other stretches. I do HoeDowns often too, and when I can I start with MORE and move through the other videos. For me, MORE seems great, when my knee is out, I do MORE Chair, and today I did MORE from my house to yours. If you can't manage anything more than part of PBS, OIP or HD then do just that, congratulate yourself for moving and feel good. Everyday is another day to begin again. Don't look back, only forward. I heard the other day at a memorial for a wonderful friend and neighbor, not to dwell in the past, for we will miss today, celebrate the good and the bad for it makes us strong. You are strong because you reached out for help and your received it ten-fold. I have been missing in action as well, and I understand how much a struggle daily life can be, but you will feel better and things will turn around for your family, have faith and be a friend to yourself. Take care, We all are behind you.....

[BlessedMama]

Just popping in to say HUGS to you, LunaMoth! Don't worry about workouts or even eating perfectly. Try to make one good choice in food a day, and do a set of Butterflies in regular T-Tapp stance now and then.

You will get through this, and you WILL come out stronger--even though you can't see it now and your heart is breaking. I truly believe you will be able to help others in a way you can't see right now. Hang in there! Stay connected with us here--we can be your community until you are able to find some close by.

HUGS again!